Sunday, October 17, 2010

single motherhood

to say i've enjoyed my first few days of motherhood for the past 5 months would be an understatement.  the incredible joy i've experienced from having my own daughter is truly a dream come true.  even with the rough moments, i feel like i've found my purpose in life in being Molly's greatest calling. 

however, single motherhood is not something for the faint of heart!  it is certainly not the dream i had for my life...the single part i mean.  i always dreamed of sharing in parenting roles with my husband.  but as i've said before, that never happened for me. in many ways i look at my {great} life and think i have it husband to nag! ha!  i mean where would i find the time for a man?   but, other times i look around at all the tasks before me, only me, and i wonder how i'll do this for the next 16+ college years?  where will i find the sanity, energy, money, and time? 

during the work week, i rarely get anything done except the basics for each, keeping the kitchen clean, maybe running the dishwasher and a load of laundry, and preparing our clothes for each day.  so on the weekends i have the whole house to clean, laundry, and errands to run.  sometimes i wish i could wake up on saturday morning and a magic fairy would greet me for the day and change all the bed sheets, do my chores, and stock my kitchen full of healthy food for the week ahead...i'm still waiting on her!  i keep thinking i'll devise a plan and stick with it to do one chore each evening so that our weekends are not so packed but when the night time rolls around i'm exhausted and just want to lay on the couch and watch tv...which i usually fall asleep doing!  i couldn't even stay awake for desperate housewives last sunday and missed the whole show:(

yes, being a working, single mom is tough.  i have to stay organized, punctual, and keep everything in sync.  If any part of our daily routine is disrupted it causes confusion and rush and therefore tears and frustration (usually from me! ha!!) at the end of the day.  some weeks and weekends are more exhausting than others.  But, for now...I'm on fall break.  ooohhhh, the joy of a teacher's schedule! 

the last two weeks one of us has been sick...not sick enough for a doctor, but just between seasons colds and allergy type symptoms that take all of your energy away.  we are both on the mend now.

Molly is potty training like a pro!  i almost have the courage to take her in public with only panties, but not quite yet.  i just LOVE lazy days/weekends when we can take our time cleaning and playing together.  she loves it as much as i do.  and when she recently saw the pumpkins and Halloween stuff throughout the house she just squealed!  it was so cute.

So, I guess I'm still figuring out our groove.  I also haven't mastered the Sunday morning church thing.  I feel bad about not putting that into our routine, but I've honestly just not had the energy to do it.  I've so enjoyed our weekends of just being us at home, I dread taking her to a nursery to play with strangers while I leave her.  I know it's only for an hour, but I guess I was just trying to give her some time to adjust.  And frankly, to add another early morning into our routine where I have to get up, shower, do makeup, and put on nice clothes...and do the same for her (minus the makeup:)) just isn't appealing to me.  I know that is not what Sundays should be about and I know she needs to get into the routine of church, but I'm just being honest here. 

she's giving mom a fit at daycare right now by not taking a nap.  i'm not sure what that is all about.  when she first started daycare mom let her nap in a bedroom in a playpen and she did fine.  since she turned 2, mom has let her nap on a cot with the other kids in the big room.  i think she did it for a few days, but now has realized if she screams enough she can stay up and play.  maybe mom isn't quite as harsh on her as she would be the other kids if they tried it! ha!  neither madison or eddie have been good nappers either so i guess it's the grandkid thing.  but, i do hate that she is causing says beyond the naptime she is doing great and loves to play with everyone.  she has a great time.  mama maze is her favorite person!!!  she says her name about 100 times a day!

i couldn 't post without photos, so just so you know..molly loves candy corn! ha!

 she sneaks up onto the chair when she 'thinks' i'm not looking

 notice the cute panties!!  thanks, aunt candace for the princess panties!



Mrs. McAnally said...

Loved your post! You have put your finger on what all moms end up feeling and facing. There is never enough time, energy, or money. Too many tasks to be done vs. time spent enjoying your children. When you figure it out--let me in on the secret. Hang in there!!!

Jill said...

Great post, Amy. I love your honesty. You're a great mom! There are ladies with husbands and they're not as good at motherhood as you are!

Love for Lilly Yin said...

You aren't having these issues because you are a single Mom, but because you are a MOM. I am not single and I could have written your post myself. LOL. Husbands are great, but it is usually not as "wonderful" as it is cracked up to be. I love him, couldn't do it without him, but not for the reasons you listed.
As far as church goes, let it wait...

Dan and Karen said...

I agree, your feelings go along with being a mom, not only a single mom...but I totally understand your concerns of "shouldering it alone" for the forseeable future. (I still believe Mr. Right is out fact I might know him :-))

As far as church, I totally understand. We manage somehow to drag ourselves out with two but I can't say I 'enjoy' it yet, not that it is about me. For now it is just "one more thing to do".

I'll pray that you "find our groove"! You are an AMAZEING mom! :-)

Angie said...

Amen! I am contemplating a cleaning lady every other week once I get a cheaper insurance plan for my girl! I think it will be WAY worth it!

I hate that by the time I get home, I am so toast. It's hard to give my all at school all day...and have anything left. It makes me sad that so many times, Emma gets only what's left of me...and that's just not fair.

Praising the Lord Emma is a pretty good napper. Sorry about the books. Think I would have cried!

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