thankful to be a mom

i was so thankful this weekend to celebrate mother's day at home as a mom!

i'm well aware of the many women who dread this weekend

because of unfulfilled dreams, failed adoptions, infertility, or the loss of your own mother

it can be a weekend of much pain and i've been there 

for any of you, i've prayed a special prayer for you too this weekend

may you find peace, my friends

we had a calm saturday, in fact it was so calm we both stayed in our pj's all day!

it was beautiful outside, but i had to stay inside and get housework done

as a single mom, i find a constant struggle with juggling everything

when i'm outside working in the yard my house is unkept and when i'm inside cleaning the house, the outside is unkept!  i'm still trying to work on a balance!

but, monday we have our one year post placement interview with the social worker and so i knew i needed to be inside cleaning and completing paperwork...paperwork, it never ends!

on mother's day, we took mom to a brunch at a nice country club/golf club that was so nice!

i wanted to attend church as this would be my first mother's day at home, but we had 10:00 a.m. reservations:(

molly had on a beautiful yellow smocked dress today that i've had for at least a year

i love how all of these smocked/bishop dresses are so full they can wear them for several years before they outgrow them.  this one is a 2T, but she can still wear the 12 month size in these dresses too!

the view...gorgeous!

after brunch we came home to make a quick change and then go visit my grandmothers

this is one of her new tricks..not very lady like is it?

we've spotted some of the first 13 year cicadas this weekend, she's trying to find some here

taking some toys to see grandma sherrill

we are working on getting grandma sherrill released from the nursing home

they have stopped all therapy on her:( saying that she has "plateaued" and can't get any better

she is miserable in the nursing home (of course), so she will be moving in with mom for now

and this is exactly how we all felt at the end of the day

tired and ready to go home!

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thankful to be a mom

Happy Mother's Day

before "gotcha day" i worried and fretted and feared that molly wouldn't attach to me

i thought, "what if she doesn't like me"

"what if she only will go to eddie?"

you know, sometimes you can "what if" yourself into a tizzy

the moment and hours and days after gotcha day were definitely stressful

i remember the moment that i knew everything would be ok

it was one afternoon, probably two days after gotcha day

we were still in molly's province and we went to lunch with the other family who was with us

molly had just thrown a bowl of cheerios all over the floor in this restaraunt 

inviting the stares and glares of many chinese people and workers

i was so embarrased!

but, during that lunch molly came alive

she began really interacting with me for the first time

and while eddie and the other family talked and 'investigated' the food choices on the table

i was beginning to feel comfortable as a mom

molly began to 'feed' me, which forced her to look closely in my eyes and at my face

something she had refused to do before this moment

she then began touching my face, just like she was analyzing an expensive piece of art

i started to put some cheerios in my mouth and she began taking them from me with hers

and this was our first 'mouth to mouth' interaction

and soon after she did that i took away the cheerio and we kissed for the first time

and then she kept on leaning over to kiss more

and that's when i knew...she liked me!

it's been one year since gotcha day

and we've never been apart

if i'm in one part of the house where she can't see me she starts to ask

"where are you, mom?"

wanting to know my location at all times

on rare occassions i let her sleep in my bed

i try not to make it a habit

but, i must confess i enjoy that time together too

she has to "feel"' me at all times throughout the night

if i'm not touching her, she will roll over to touch me

and then in the morning, she'll roll over and kiss me

aaahhh, melt my heart!

her latest thing is telling me

"good morning, mom...i'm glad your here today"

i think she hears this at daycare as mom greets the other kids

but, it's so cute!

it's been an amazing year for sure

and i'm more than thankful that i'm on this side of the journey!

for mother's day we are taking mom out to mother's day brunch at a very nice countryclub

there will be a photo session taking place

i'm hopeful that there will actually be pictures of molly looking at the camera!

we'll see

but, i want to wish all of the mother's out there a wonderful day with your family

i will be sure to enjoy every minute of my day with molly and my mom

happy mother's day!

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Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother's Day

What I got for my mom this year:

Yes, I actually planned way ahead for this Mother's Day and booked and purchased a cruise for mom and me to enjoy this summer. I've wanted to take mom on a cruise for a long time and thought this summer might be the perfect opportunity to do it before Molly gets here...although it looks as if it may be 2 more years before that happens. More on that later. Anyway I'm super excited that we will be able to do this together. We were concerned that we may not be able to go because getting her passport was a bit difficult due to the spelling of her name. (She spells it differently than her birth certificate shows). But I received a confirmation email this week that her passport is in the mail, so in one month we will be sailing through the Caribbean!

This poem was on one of my favorite blogs recently. I copied it and edited it a bit to fit my story and thought I'd post it today, on Mother's Day.

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore,
and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed her.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by fairy tale dreams, fantasies, and promises I believed would happen in my life.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

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Happy Mother’s Day