Monday, May 5, 2014

4 years with molly

this weekend we celebrated molly day!
we've been together for 4 years and always try to stop and reflect around our anniversary time each year
 adoptive kids/families have lots of milestones and i remember each one
referral day, gotcha day, 1st day home day
they are all important for so many reasons
 and when people ask or question i'm happy to tell them
these special days all help us to have conversation together about her story
adoptive kids will have questions, doubt, and fear that biological kids will never have 
so it's important during these young years to lay the foundation of open communication between each other
 we've looked at so many pictures from china
and watched so many videos of our time there
molly has a pretty good grasp (for a 5 year old) of how exactly we became a family
she's amazing!

 she enjoys hearing her story and we laugh at some of the details like how she threw a toy on the airplane and hit a lady behind us or how she slept on top of me for 2 weeks
she does not like to watch the first video of gotcha day where she's crying
she says it makes her sad (it's hard to for me to watch now too)
it shows how empathetic she is to her own story
even at such a young age
so we usually skip right over that video and go to the ones after it where she's getting to know me
 knowing her now and her personality it's hard even for me to believe how smoothly the transition went
while i was in the midst of it, i thought she cried for a long time
but looking back, it was only 1 or 2 hours of crying
amazing how she calmed herself down after such a traumatic event
during the moment you just get through it...follow your gut instinct and persevere! 
 she went through her grieving process in china immediately...about 3 days of sadness
on day 3 it was like she turned a corner and was happy and really began attaching with me
she began to trust me and that made all the difference
 so for those who are thinking about adoption or about to travel just remember that it takes time
it will happen 
all differently for each kid
some are quicker to adjust and some are slower
just hold them close and love on them and they will trust you

 now, 4 years out we talk about her story at these milestones and whenever she brings it up
she talks about her "china mom" occasionally
questions come up and i think they will even more through the years
all i do is answer truthfully as i know to for her age

 my goal is to equip her with the appropriate language to tell her own story
her story of adoption 
and her story of her hands and feet
she's doing that amazingly now! 
 i overhear kids ask her about her hands/fingers sometimes and she tells them just as she should
very nicely..."this is how God made me"
and kids are so fantastic...that is all they need to hear and they move on to play 
i'm tying to instill in her that it's her job to make her friends comfortable with her hands
and to do that you just speak frankly and move on
thankfully she has the personality and strong will to do that!
everyday with this girl is a huge blessing!

1 comment:

Becky said...

Both of you are lovely! Amy, you look wonderful! I have traveled with you via your blog, and have enjoyed these past four years with your little fashionista. Still think she needs a little sister!

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